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View From The Chair Swings

by .mp3Neptune

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I used to be interested in lucid dreaming, where you dream, but you’re also conscious and aware enough to know you’re in a dream, so you can do all kinds of cool stuff, talk to whoever you want to, fly, go to outer space, stuff like that. I’d been reading up on all these ways you can find out if you’re dreaming. They’re like little exercises, and if you make a habit out of them and get used to doing them while you’re awake, eventually, when you are dreaming, you’ll do them there too, and then you’ll know you’re dreaming. Stuff like looking in the mirror. When you’re dreaming, apparently, your reflection won’t be there, or it will look really strange. You can also press your thumb into the palm of your other hand. In a dream, most of the time, it will go right through, like your hand isn’t even there. So I wake up one morning. Something feels off. Everything is different but I can’t tell exactly what, like I woke up in a movie instead of real life. “Well this is it!” I thought. “This is a dream, and I’m finally lucid.” I decided to perform my two favorite tests, just to be absolutely sure. It’s good to be sure. So I press my thumb into the palm of my hand. I really kind of did expect it to go through, like it would in a dream. I was sure I was dreaming, after all. But it didn’t. Just solid hand, with just the right amount of give. I could feel the solidness of the bone through the surface of flesh. “Well,” I thought, “I guess maybe this isn’t a dream. Or maybe it just didn’t work this time.” I decided to do the other test, too. There was a mirror above the headboard above my bed. I stood up and I glanced into it. My reflection glanced back. Totally normal. I made a few funny faces and the mirror reflected them back to me. I guess I was really awake. At this point the odd feeling I had when I woke up was gone. I was probably caught in the grip of my sleepiness and that’s what made everything seem so bizarre at first. I thought about the difference between being awake and being asleep in a dream. It can be so hard to tell, i pondered, that sometimes we think we must be dreaming even if we’re actually awake, just living our normal lives. Sometimes, I thought, things get so strange and surreal in real life, that we begin to convince ourselves that the only way these things are possible are when we are asleep. That’s wrong of course, sometimes strange things just happen. And that’s when I woke up. In my bed. I looked up and saw my headboard. I looked up above my headboard. Just a completely empty wall
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about

These are a few things I never said about last year:

Chair Swings /// Nanase: There are still little things about right now that make me happy, things I'm gonna miss someday.

Awake In The Bell Field: I can't sleep without the nightmares. I wish I were dreaming about you instead.

Drowned /// I Don't Feel Well: Sometimes, the only thing you can do is throw everything away, to numb yourself for a while.

Sometimes I Don't Tell You How I Feel: There's only one thing I can't bring myself to be honest about.

If You're Gonna Fall, Do It Now: I miss how we all used to be. Now I'm just filling the empty space.

Like An Angel: I love you, and I am loved.

credits

released January 5, 2018

produced, mixed, and mastered by Tremayne Gillis

photography and art by Tremayne Gillis

special thanks to my family and friends, who made this possible.
and to my cat for her talented meows and purrs.

RIP King Tut <3

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all rights reserved

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about

.mp3Neptune Salt Lake City, Utah

computer musician and aspiring astronaut. i still love you.

contact me: mp3neptunewave@gmail.com

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